Watermelon Carvings

The Asian art of watermelon carving.

These pictures has been part of an email that has traversed the globe many times.

Originally these carvings were thought to be Chinese, but now it seems they may be Japanese.

To see more go to:
http://www.americade.info/melons.htm

Man Saved From Chimney

EVANSVILLE, Ind. (AP) -- Firefighters had to tear though a wall to rescue a man who became stuck while trying to climb through a chimney into a home.

Alejandro Valencio said he was drunk when he climbed down the chimney about 3:30 a.m. Tuesday to see a woman who lived in the home.

''Everyone do stupid things sometimes when they're drunk,'' he said.

The woman, Connie Deweese, said she had known Valencio for about seven or eight months but told him to stay away. She said she locked the door to her home, but ''somehow he got to the roof.''

''I've dated a lot of psychos in my life, but nobody like that,''Deweese said.

Firefighters requested assistance from police officers after they
arrived because they said Deweese was blocking the fireplace. She
received misdemeanor citations for charges of disorderly conduct and
interfering with a firefighter.

''I told them to leave him in the chimney and let him die,'' she said.

Valencio was taken to a hospital after he was removed. He later returned to the home, where a crew from television station WEHT captured Deweese hitting him with a garbage can and pelting him with bottles.

''Get off my porch, and don't you ever come back here,'' she yelled.

Valencio said he would help pay for the damages incurred from his rescue.

For More About Chimneys
blogs.salon.com/ 0004217/2005/09/14.html

Halloween Scare From Potty Police

THREE young children got a Halloween scare to remember after potty police tried to shut down their pumpkin stall because they did not have a TRADERS LICENCE.

Justin Sanford, 35, and his sons Robin, 7, Jack, 4, and Benjamin, 3, set up their stand last week on a rural road near their home in South Wiltshire to raise money to buy costumes to go trick or treating.

But they were shocked when two Police Community Support Officers pulled over and threatened them with a fine if they didn't shut up shop.

"But I couldn't believe it when I was told my kids were breaking the law by selling pumpkins without a licence."

Full Story
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article406408.ece

Photo ©Lionel Martinez

Australian Laments Ear Wax Eating Video

CANBERRA, Australia - Australia's opposition leader lamented his past behavior on Wednesday, as images of him picking his ear wax in Parliament reached a growing audience via the Internet.

The embarrassing footage was captured by Parliament's official television camera at least six years ago as Kevin Rudd, then a junior Labor Party lawmaker, sat in the House Representatives listening to a colleague question a government minister.

Rudd, who is likely to become Australia's prime minister next month, is seen in the background absent-mindedly probing his left ear before apparently placing the same finger in his mouth.

Watch The Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ipvdBnU8F8

The Forbes Fictional 15

According to Forbes, the super-rich fascinates us all. Now they have taken fictional characters and elevated them to the status of real people.

It is a dynamic list of 15, with new entries and individual drop offs.

List Leaders (9-5-07)

1 Santa Claus
2 Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks
3 Richie Rich
4 Lex Luthor
5 C. Montgomery Burns
6 Scrooge McDuck
7 Jed Clampett
8 Bruce Wayne
9 Thurston Howell III
10 Willy Wonka 1
1 Arthur Bach 1
2 Ebenezer Scrooge
13 Lara Croft
14 Cruella De Vil
15 Lucius Malfoy


========================================


DROP OUT: Jay Gatsby
Source: Racketeering
Marital Status: Single
Hometown: West Egg, N.Y.
Bootleg kingpin found brutally murdered at his Long Island estate; story dominates New York tabloids for weeks. Born James Gatz in North Dakota; moved East; changed name.

In life, Gatsby famous for huge, P. Diddy-esque parties; home modeled after Normandy's Hotel de Ville. Shadowy fortune appears to have come entirely from racketeering. Though one associate claimed Jay "would never so much look at a friend's wife," whispers suggest otherwise. West Egg mansion taken over by the state, being turned into a public park. Member since 1925. -- Matthew Herper


http://www.forbes-fictional-rich_cx_mn_de_05fict15land.html

Vincent Van Cloth

Vincent Van Cloth
By Martin Bailey


Vincent van Gogh was notorious for always being short of money and materials, and it has now been discovered that he resorted to painting on tea towels. Louis van Tilborgh, a curator at the Van Gogh Museum, found that the artist used this unorthodox material for two groups of pictures.

On 16 November 1889, Van Gogh wrote to his brother Theo from the asylum at St-Rémy, saying that he had finished his supply of canvas, and needed a further ten metres. The roll did not arrive from Paris until three weeks later.

A detailed examination of two pictures from this period has revealed that Van Gogh painted on tea towel or tablecloth material for The Large Plane Trees (Cleveland Museum of Art) and Wheatfields in a Mountainous Landscape (Kröller-Müller Museum, Otterlo).

The off-white fabric has a grid pattern of tiny red rectangles, which are just visible where the paint is thin. We can only speculate, but presumably the tea towels were from the asylum’s kitchen or refectory.

Complete Story
http://www.theartnewspaper.com/article01.asp?id=4547

The Large Plane Trees ( http://www.clevelandart.org/oci/mids...7/1947.209.jpg )

The Wheat fields in a mountainous landscape (http://www.kmm.nl/object/KM%20100.44...-berglandschap)

Hair-Raising Experience For Woman On Bus

RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) - In a new twist in Rio de Janeiro's crime annals, scissor-wielding thieves clipped off the long, flowing locks of a 22-year-old Brazilian woman as she rode in a city bus.

"We got on at the same stop and they sat behind me," sales assistant Mirna Marchetti said. "Then all of a sudden I felt someone pulling my hair. My friend tried to help me but they just cut it off, right at the base."

The thieves also stole her handbag and her mobile phone before escaping.

Marchetti's hair was dark, straight and reached down to her waist. She said she had not cut it for four years. Police suspect the thieves hope to sell the hair to a hairdresser.

Beauty salons in Rio can charge more than 500 reais ($250) for top-quality hair extensions, salon owner Rosangela Castro said.

Muggers in crime-plagued Rio de Janeiro often target bus passengers, sometimes robbing a whole bus at gun point.

"This is a new kind of crime,' said a police officer at the station where the report was filed. "They really did mean to steal her hair.

Helpful Hints For Everyday Espionage Problems

A sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours,
then slide aknife under the flap.
The envelope can then be resealed.
=============================
Permanent marker ink on slick surfaces
(like incriminating store receiptBLUE!)
-- use rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
=============================
Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry!
Just pour a little hydrogen
peroxide on a cloth and proceed
to wipe off every drop of blood.
Works every time!
=============================================
To clean those artificial flowers used to decorate your safe house, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and
dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new! =============================================
Cure for headaches from too much espionage tension:
Take a lime, cut it in half, and rub it on your forehead.
The throbbing will go away.

Deutsche Bank Fire At Ground Zero

The former Deutsche Bank building across the street from Ground Zero caught fire on 8/18/2007. The smoke and flames ebbed and flowed for hours.

At its height it was a 7 alarm fire and it claimed the lives of two brave firefighters.

Prosecutors opened a criminal investigation into the matter as several agencies sought to deflect blame for the building's failed water supply system and the response to the fire.

Here are some pictures of the smoke, firefighters and flames early in the conflagration.

Firefighter on the east side of the building before the building became an inferno.





Gusts of wind would send smoke billowing from the building.



Firefighters attempt to fight the fire from the south side of the building. They were driven away by the heat and burst of flames.



This is where firefighters stood just20 minutes before.



This incident had an eerie déjà vu feeling of 9-11

All images copyright Lionel Martinez – All rights reserved.

HOW TO HANDLE A PROBLEM NEIGHBOR

Belief In Angels Proof Against Lightning, Bullets, Bats And Banes

DOVER-FOXCROFT — She’s been shot at, mugged and has had a bat tangled in her hair.

If that doesn’t make your skin crawl, Jeanne Rogers, 58, also has been struck by lightning twice, has fallen into a manhole and off a cruise ship, was nearly strangled, and she unwittingly helped Fred Rogers, the late star of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, get naked.

"People think I’m a little paranoid when I walk a mile to avoid a manhole or won’t walk under a ladder," Rogers said during an interview this week. "There’s so many things I won’t do because I know what can happen."

While Rogers dispels the target-on-her-back theory, she does believe she has an angel perched on her shoulder.

"I do worry. Things do happen to me even though I’m careful," she said this week, standing among an eclectic collection of new and used clothing, colorful jewelry, handbags and whimsical items in her small consignment and gift shop on River Street.

For Greater Details go to:
http://bangordailynews.com/news/t/news.aspx?articleid=150100&zoneid=500

'Blind' Man Took Over From Drunk Driver

A virtually blind New Zealand man has been banned from driving after taking the wheel from a drink driver.

Te Aute Matuakore Collier, 29, from Hamilton, was guided by a drunk passenger but crashed into a wall, reports Stuff.co.nz.

Collier, who has just five per cent sight, admitted a charge of reckless driving when he appeared in the Hamilton District Court.

He had been in the back of the car when he told the driver to pull over so he could drive because both the driver and front-seat passenger were drunk.

The front-seat passenger helped steer the car and both passengers told Collier to turn into a supermarket carpark.

Collier told police he just wanted to park the vehicle and get it off the road - but he missed the entrance and hit a wall.

He was disqualified from driving for two years and ordered to pay court costs.

Paris Hilton’s Real Nose

Paris Hilton didn’t always have that slim beak of a nose.

Thanks to awfulplasticsurgery.com we can compare today’s nose to a copy of her high school photo.
See more at http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/

Car Colors & What They Mean

Some actual research in the UK matched car colors with personality traits.

But a more practical aspect is that the colors are listed here in order of accident frequency--black most often (twice the average) and cream the safest.

By the way, ever notice what color the presidential SUVs are?

Black cars denote an aggressive personality or someone who's an outsider or rebel.

Silver cars indicate someone who's cool, calm and slightly aloof.

Green cars can often be chosen by people with hysterical tendencies.

Yellow cars signify someone who is idealistic and novelty loving.

Blue cars are chosen by the more introspective, reflective and cautious driver.

Gray cars represent those who are calm, sober and dedicated to their work.

Red cars denote those who are full of zest, energy and drive and who think, move and talk quickly.

Pink cars are chosen by gentle, loving and affectionate drivers.

White cars represent status-seeking extrovert drivers.

Cream cars are the least likely to be involved in accidents and denote self-contained and controlled owners.

Mistranslations

Signs from around the world written in fractured English


Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET
COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE
OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS
PURPOSE.

Advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST
METHODISTS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE
AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Bondage Couple Lose Key

A German couple had to call out the fire brigade after tying each other up in chains - and then losing the key to the padlock.

Jochen Ranstett, 56 and his wife Maria, from the town of Weiden, dressed up in leathers and chained each other to their beds, but lost the key during the romp.

After hours of trying to free themselves they finally gave up and called for help on Jochen's mobile phone.

He said: "It was so embarrassing. We just wanted to try something a bit different and we ended up with this.

"I even had to be taken to hospital because my wrists had swollen so much from trying to get out of the handcuffs."

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2344515.html?menu=news.quirkies.sexlife

Things Computers can ONLY do in Movies

Word processors never display a cursor.

You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.

Movie characters never make typing mistakes.

All monitors display inch-high letters.

High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces.

Those that don't have graphical interfaces will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

Note: Command line interfaces will give you access to any information you want by simply typing, "ACCESS THE SECRET FILES" on any near-by keyboard.

You can also infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS". (See "Fortress".)

All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer even if it's turned off.

Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. (Really advanced computers will also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.)

All computer panels operate on thousands of volts and have explosive devices underneath their surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash of light, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks and an explosion that causes you to jump backwards.

People typing on a computer can safely turn it off without saving the data.
A hacker is always able to break into the most sensitive computer in the world by guessing the secret password in two tries.

You may bypass "PERMISSION DENIED" message by using the "OVERRIDE" function. (See "Demolition Man".)

Computers only take 2 seconds to boot up instead of the average minutes for desktop PCs and 30 minutes or more for larger systems that can run 24 hours, 365 days a year without a reset.

Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.

When the power plant/missile site/main computer overheats, all control panels will explode shortly before the entire building will.

If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen (See "Clear and Present Danger").

If a disk contains encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you insert it.

Computers can interface with any other computer regardless of the manufacturer or galaxy where it originated. (See "Independence Day".)

Computer disks will work on any computer has a floppy drive and all software is usable on any platforms.

The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it will have (See "Aliens".)

Note: You must be highly trained to operate high-tech computers because the buttons have no labels except for the "SELF-DESTRUCT" button.

Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional active animation, photo-realistic graphics capabilities.

Laptops always have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and performance similar to a CRAY Supercomputer.

Thanks to the Vole

Fast Food Reality

This is what a freshly purchased KFC Famous Bowl really looks like and it does not compare favorably to the advertisement.

It's a funny experiment from The West Virginia Surf Report. They take several ads from fast food companies such as McDonald's, KFC, Arby's, Subway, Burger King, and Wendy's and compare the pics to the actual food they went and bought. Yum!!!!!

http://www.thewvsr.com/adsvsreality.htm

American Idol with Stripes

“Hello, everybody out there, have we got something for you. I’m talking about the first-ever Inmate Idle contest.”
“This is a groundbreaking opportunity, never before done in any jail, so don’t miss out. We hear you singing all the time in the pods.”
“ In your cells. In the holding tanks. Now, let’s put you in front of a microphone and on a stage.”


It would have been just another day in jail if not for the wild applause.

In the yard was a stage, a festive canopy and a 15-foot billboard with a cartoon prisoner in stripes singing into a microphone. Above it, a logo, styled after American Idol, read: “Inmate Idle Singing Con-Test.”

http://www.laweekly.com/general/features/jailhouse-rock/16256/

Contributed by Vonross
http://www.clubofpioneers.com/blog/blog-from-ross-von-burg/16/

New York News - Sustainable Swimming

Have you heard dolphins are killing themselves in droves? Apparently young pilot whales also. One with the nick of Sludgie had the temerity to swim in the Gowanus Canal, New York City's aptly named lavender lake which distinguished itself from other more ordinary bodies of water by occasionally catching on fire.

Even after dredging by hazimat teams in Space suits there is likely still a high concentration of PCB's and other things there. Sludgie's swim turned into a one-way holiday, he went belly up in the Gowanus for the last time. Social services are conducting an autopsy at the New York Aquarium

On another note Mayor Bloomberg plans to reclaim the harbour's waterfront so New Yorkers can again use it for recreational swimming and beach going.

Contributed by Vonross
http://www.clubofpioneers.com/blog/blog-from-ross-von-burg/16/