Christian Family Gets Wrong Gift From Santa

A Sacramento family got a shocking surprise from Santa this Christmas when they discovered that a Disney Channel CD they got for their three children contained music from The Diplomats rap group album.

According to CBS 13, Jeremy Danielson played the Disney Channel Hits CD for his daughters on Xmas morning (December 25) expecting music from Hannah Montana but was treated to explicit songs containing the "F" word and the "N" word. .

“It was graphic lyrics, real explicit, just stuff you don’t want your kids to hear. We are a Christian family and we don't bring media like that into our house.” said Danielson.

Danielson says he bought the CD from Toys R Us.

Toys R Us claims that it was “the first time they have had this issue and they are only the distributor”. Disney did not return phone calls when contacted.

Full Story and video
http://cbs13.com/local/christmas.local.father.2.618344.html

Thanks to visibleO

Priests brawl at Bethlehem birthplace of Jesus

Seven people were injured on Thursday when Greek Orthodox and Armenian priests came to blows in a dispute over how to clean the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem.

Following the Christmas celebrations, Greek Orthodox priests set up ladders to clean the walls and ceilings of their part of the church, which is built over the site where Jesus Christ is believed to have been born.

But the ladders encroached on space controlled by Armenian priests, according to photographers who said angry words ensued and blows quickly followed.

For a quarter of an hour bearded and robed priests laid into each other with fists, brooms and iron rods while the photographers who had come to take pictures of the annual cleaning ceremony recorded the whole event.

A dozen unarmed Palestinian policemen were sent to try to separate the priests, but two of them were also injured in the unholy melee.

Full Story:
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php

Thanks to VisableO

MISC Reports Santa Edition

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Santa 'sacked for saying ho, ho, ho'

A Father Christmas has hung up his Santa suit after he claiming he's been
sacked for saying "ho, ho, ho!"

John Oakes, 70, says he was fired from a department store in Cairns,
Australia, for using Santa's famous greeting and singing carols.

He claims agency employer Westaff ordered their Santas to say "ha, ha, ha"
instead of "ho, ho, ho" because "ho" is a derogatory US slang word for a
woman.

Mr Oakes told the Cairns Post: "After my shift on Monday, I got a call from
my manager telling me my services were no longer required.

"I hadn't done anything wrong so I asked her why, and she said, "You said
ho, ho, ho and that's not appropriate".

"She also said I wasn't supposed to sing, but I was only singing Jingle
Bells to get the kids to laugh for their photo. It's just ridiculous and
everything's changed because of the new rules.'"

US-based Westaff denied the words were a factor in Mr Oakes' case.

Company spokesman Bert Jansz said: "The candidate was not sacked nor was his
use of the term 'ho, ho, ho' a factor in our decision.

"The candidate's attitude was not in line with the requirements of our
client and of their customers."


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Santa needs a license

Angry parents in Hungary have formed an association to license local
Santas after complaining they weren't up to scratch.

The Hungarian Santa Foundation has teamed up with Santa Claus workers'
unions to create an exam with strict requirements for people who want to
work as Santas.

And they plan to take legal action against any fake Father Christmases
who try and operate without a Santa licence.

Apart from having to sit the exams - from now on every Hungarian Santa
has to be at least 5ft 7ins tall and in good physical shape.

His voice has to be low, and he has to possess good communication skills,
and he has to convince examiners he likes kids.

Foundation head Gyoergy Balint said: "If a jolly old man with a sack of
presents is found handing out presents amongst kids on the street
without a proper Santa diploma - then he will have to answer in
a court of law.

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Letter To Santa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6TGYtdGXsM


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Is Santa Borat's neighbor?

Santa Claus manages to stay hidden all year because he really lives in
Kazakhstan and not the North Pole, according to claims by a team
of Swedish experts.

A special team working for the Swedish logistics and consulting firm
SWECO said it had calculated that Santa's home would have to be
located in a mountain range that lay across the border between
Kazakhstan - Borat's homeland - and Kyrgyzstan to be best
located to make all his deliveries.

They said that based on the Earth's rotation and demographic data - the
Kazakhstan/Kyrgyzstan border mountain range would be the best place for
Father Christmas to set off from on Xmas Eve to deliver all his presents.

The team worked out what the best and quickest route would be - and
found that all roads led not to Rome - or the North Pole - but the remote
mountain region on the Kazakhstan border.

Anders Larsson, consultant at SWECO, said: "It might explain why he's not
seen that often the rest of the year."


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Santa Claus should go to the gym, kids say

SPANISH children think Santa Claus is "too fat" and should go on a diet,
and that he should ditch his sleigh for a four-wheel-drive or a motorcycle.

The opinions are based on an internet poll of 4000 children aged four to
12 by children's television channel Jetix.

It said 53 per cent of them thought Father Christmas was "too fat", and 59
per cent believed he should eat better to lose weight, or go to the gym
(19 per cent.)

Many also thought his means of transport was outdated, as a sleigh was
too slow for delivering presents.

A total of 35 per cent thought he should change it for a 4WD and
31 per cent for a motorcycle.

But they were ready to keep at least one Christmas tradition - his big red
coat.

Only 21 per cent of them would like him to come down the chimney
in a shirt and jeans.

Unverified News From The Stump

Unverified News From The Stump
By Larry V raving reporter

Under pressure to explain his religious faith to the
American people, Democratic presidential candidate
Barack Obama delivered a forty-five minute speech
today discussing his belief in Oprah Winfrey.

“My religion is a personal matter to me,” Sen. Obama
told his followers. “Having said that, let me make
this clear: I have accepted Oprah as my host.”

-------------------------------------------------

Later in the day, Ms. Winfrey toured the state with
Mr. Obama and, in a stunning demonstration of her
influence, briefly caused a solar eclipse.

“Sun and moon, do my bidding!” she roared, raising her
hands above her head and delighting the crowd with the
celestial display.

-------------------------------------------------

Davis Logsdon, who studies the interrelation between
politicians, religion and talk-show hosts at the
University of Minnesota, said that Sen. Obama’s
worship of Oprah Winfrey puts him in the mainstream of
American theological belief.

“Over thirty percent of Americans currently define
themselves as Oprahists,” Mr. Logsdon said. “And that
number is higher during sweeps.”

-------------------------------------------------

Elsewhere, the CIA created more controversy today by
acknowledging that it accidentally returned several
interrogation tapes to Blockbuster.

A Jello Practical Joke

Here is an odd email making the rounds. It is a call for an Christmas-time office party practical joke with phony Jell-O.

Here's a delightful treat someone once made for an office Christmas party: A gelatin mold should be made with Knox Unflavored Gelatin and red food coloring.

One would think that a flavorless food would not be at all difficult to swallow.

But believe me, from the looks of people who inserted cold masses of gelatinous glop into a mouth that was expecting sweets, the experience is unexplainably horrifying!

Some claimed to be nauseated by the feel of it; others politely swallowed.

Try this a you own risk.

Sympathy greeting cards for your friends and relatives doing hard time.

Terrye Cheathem, a criminal defense lawyer and adviser to the Los
Angeles Sheriff's Department, has developed a line of greeting cards
for a Hallmark-ignored demographic: the recently incarcerated.

Amongher selections are cards reading "Sorry to hear about your arrest,"
and "Honestly, I never knew anyone who was arrested before," and,
simply, "Not You!" A remorseful correspondent could choose: "I know
that I have not visited you. But I still care about you ... When are
you getting out, anyway?"

Card sales are slow, according to an October Los Angeles Times story,
and Cheathem acknowledges that people might prefer to ignore their
connections to criminals.

The Cards:
http://www.threesquaresgreetings.com/

More Information:
http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/

Thanks to Larry V

Big Brother Has Become George Orwell’s Neighbor

The Big Brother nightmare of George Orwell's 1984 has become a reality - in the shadow of the author's former London home.

It was believed thought that a 1984 situation couldn't happen in real life because it would simply cost too much. Now computer technology is cheap and techniques for using computers to control and more importantly process CCTV images are readily available to anyone who controls the system.

It may have taken a little longer than he predicted, but Orwell's vision of a society where cameras and computers spy on every person's movements is now here.

In America, this practice is becoming widespread. Perhaps they could become known as FreedeomCams.

For More About This Story Go To:
OrwellCams

Contributed by Vonross
http://www.clubofpioneers.com/blog/blog-from-ross-von-burg/16/

Numerical List of Chat & Text Messaging Shorthand

SMS language (also known as chatspeak, txt, txtspk, texting language or txt talk) is the English language slang used in mobile phone SMS.


Here is a list of just the number based codes.


.02 your (or my) two cents worth

1174 nude club

121 one to one

143 I love you

14AA41 One for All and All for One

182 I hate you

1ce once

20 location

2BCTND to be continued

2BZ4UQT Too Busy For You Cutey

2D4 to die for

2G2B4G Too Good To Be Forgotten

2G2BT Too Good To Be True

2g4u too good for you

2Ht2Hndl too hot to handle

2moro Tomorrow

2nite Tonight

2U2 To You Too

3sum threesome

404 I haven't a clue

411 info

420 marijuana

459 I love you

4COL For Crying Out Loud

4EAE For Ever And Ever

4NR Foreigner

4Q is a friendly way to say: F*** You

4yeo for your eyes only

5FS 5 Finger Salute

8 oral sex

86 out of, over, to get rid of, or kicked out

911 emergency - call me

9 parent is watching

99 parent is no longer watching


If you are just plain lazy and don’t want to learn these shorthand codes you can have transl8it convert your text into lingo or vice versa.

http://www.transl8it.com/cgi-win/index.pl?convertPL

Watermelon Carvings

The Asian art of watermelon carving.

These pictures has been part of an email that has traversed the globe many times.

Originally these carvings were thought to be Chinese, but now it seems they may be Japanese.

To see more go to:
http://www.americade.info/melons.htm

Man Saved From Chimney

EVANSVILLE, Ind. (AP) -- Firefighters had to tear though a wall to rescue a man who became stuck while trying to climb through a chimney into a home.

Alejandro Valencio said he was drunk when he climbed down the chimney about 3:30 a.m. Tuesday to see a woman who lived in the home.

''Everyone do stupid things sometimes when they're drunk,'' he said.

The woman, Connie Deweese, said she had known Valencio for about seven or eight months but told him to stay away. She said she locked the door to her home, but ''somehow he got to the roof.''

''I've dated a lot of psychos in my life, but nobody like that,''Deweese said.

Firefighters requested assistance from police officers after they
arrived because they said Deweese was blocking the fireplace. She
received misdemeanor citations for charges of disorderly conduct and
interfering with a firefighter.

''I told them to leave him in the chimney and let him die,'' she said.

Valencio was taken to a hospital after he was removed. He later returned to the home, where a crew from television station WEHT captured Deweese hitting him with a garbage can and pelting him with bottles.

''Get off my porch, and don't you ever come back here,'' she yelled.

Valencio said he would help pay for the damages incurred from his rescue.

For More About Chimneys
blogs.salon.com/ 0004217/2005/09/14.html

Halloween Scare From Potty Police

THREE young children got a Halloween scare to remember after potty police tried to shut down their pumpkin stall because they did not have a TRADERS LICENCE.

Justin Sanford, 35, and his sons Robin, 7, Jack, 4, and Benjamin, 3, set up their stand last week on a rural road near their home in South Wiltshire to raise money to buy costumes to go trick or treating.

But they were shocked when two Police Community Support Officers pulled over and threatened them with a fine if they didn't shut up shop.

"But I couldn't believe it when I was told my kids were breaking the law by selling pumpkins without a licence."

Full Story
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article406408.ece

Photo ©Lionel Martinez

Australian Laments Ear Wax Eating Video

CANBERRA, Australia - Australia's opposition leader lamented his past behavior on Wednesday, as images of him picking his ear wax in Parliament reached a growing audience via the Internet.

The embarrassing footage was captured by Parliament's official television camera at least six years ago as Kevin Rudd, then a junior Labor Party lawmaker, sat in the House Representatives listening to a colleague question a government minister.

Rudd, who is likely to become Australia's prime minister next month, is seen in the background absent-mindedly probing his left ear before apparently placing the same finger in his mouth.

Watch The Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ipvdBnU8F8

The Forbes Fictional 15

According to Forbes, the super-rich fascinates us all. Now they have taken fictional characters and elevated them to the status of real people.

It is a dynamic list of 15, with new entries and individual drop offs.

List Leaders (9-5-07)

1 Santa Claus
2 Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks
3 Richie Rich
4 Lex Luthor
5 C. Montgomery Burns
6 Scrooge McDuck
7 Jed Clampett
8 Bruce Wayne
9 Thurston Howell III
10 Willy Wonka 1
1 Arthur Bach 1
2 Ebenezer Scrooge
13 Lara Croft
14 Cruella De Vil
15 Lucius Malfoy


========================================


DROP OUT: Jay Gatsby
Source: Racketeering
Marital Status: Single
Hometown: West Egg, N.Y.
Bootleg kingpin found brutally murdered at his Long Island estate; story dominates New York tabloids for weeks. Born James Gatz in North Dakota; moved East; changed name.

In life, Gatsby famous for huge, P. Diddy-esque parties; home modeled after Normandy's Hotel de Ville. Shadowy fortune appears to have come entirely from racketeering. Though one associate claimed Jay "would never so much look at a friend's wife," whispers suggest otherwise. West Egg mansion taken over by the state, being turned into a public park. Member since 1925. -- Matthew Herper


http://www.forbes-fictional-rich_cx_mn_de_05fict15land.html

Vincent Van Cloth

Vincent Van Cloth
By Martin Bailey


Vincent van Gogh was notorious for always being short of money and materials, and it has now been discovered that he resorted to painting on tea towels. Louis van Tilborgh, a curator at the Van Gogh Museum, found that the artist used this unorthodox material for two groups of pictures.

On 16 November 1889, Van Gogh wrote to his brother Theo from the asylum at St-Rémy, saying that he had finished his supply of canvas, and needed a further ten metres. The roll did not arrive from Paris until three weeks later.

A detailed examination of two pictures from this period has revealed that Van Gogh painted on tea towel or tablecloth material for The Large Plane Trees (Cleveland Museum of Art) and Wheatfields in a Mountainous Landscape (Kröller-Müller Museum, Otterlo).

The off-white fabric has a grid pattern of tiny red rectangles, which are just visible where the paint is thin. We can only speculate, but presumably the tea towels were from the asylum’s kitchen or refectory.

Complete Story
http://www.theartnewspaper.com/article01.asp?id=4547

The Large Plane Trees ( http://www.clevelandart.org/oci/mids...7/1947.209.jpg )

The Wheat fields in a mountainous landscape (http://www.kmm.nl/object/KM%20100.44...-berglandschap)

Hair-Raising Experience For Woman On Bus

RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) - In a new twist in Rio de Janeiro's crime annals, scissor-wielding thieves clipped off the long, flowing locks of a 22-year-old Brazilian woman as she rode in a city bus.

"We got on at the same stop and they sat behind me," sales assistant Mirna Marchetti said. "Then all of a sudden I felt someone pulling my hair. My friend tried to help me but they just cut it off, right at the base."

The thieves also stole her handbag and her mobile phone before escaping.

Marchetti's hair was dark, straight and reached down to her waist. She said she had not cut it for four years. Police suspect the thieves hope to sell the hair to a hairdresser.

Beauty salons in Rio can charge more than 500 reais ($250) for top-quality hair extensions, salon owner Rosangela Castro said.

Muggers in crime-plagued Rio de Janeiro often target bus passengers, sometimes robbing a whole bus at gun point.

"This is a new kind of crime,' said a police officer at the station where the report was filed. "They really did mean to steal her hair.

Helpful Hints For Everyday Espionage Problems

A sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours,
then slide aknife under the flap.
The envelope can then be resealed.
=============================
Permanent marker ink on slick surfaces
(like incriminating store receiptBLUE!)
-- use rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
=============================
Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry!
Just pour a little hydrogen
peroxide on a cloth and proceed
to wipe off every drop of blood.
Works every time!
=============================================
To clean those artificial flowers used to decorate your safe house, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and
dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new! =============================================
Cure for headaches from too much espionage tension:
Take a lime, cut it in half, and rub it on your forehead.
The throbbing will go away.

Deutsche Bank Fire At Ground Zero

The former Deutsche Bank building across the street from Ground Zero caught fire on 8/18/2007. The smoke and flames ebbed and flowed for hours.

At its height it was a 7 alarm fire and it claimed the lives of two brave firefighters.

Prosecutors opened a criminal investigation into the matter as several agencies sought to deflect blame for the building's failed water supply system and the response to the fire.

Here are some pictures of the smoke, firefighters and flames early in the conflagration.

Firefighter on the east side of the building before the building became an inferno.





Gusts of wind would send smoke billowing from the building.



Firefighters attempt to fight the fire from the south side of the building. They were driven away by the heat and burst of flames.



This is where firefighters stood just20 minutes before.



This incident had an eerie déjà vu feeling of 9-11

All images copyright Lionel Martinez – All rights reserved.

HOW TO HANDLE A PROBLEM NEIGHBOR

Belief In Angels Proof Against Lightning, Bullets, Bats And Banes

DOVER-FOXCROFT — She’s been shot at, mugged and has had a bat tangled in her hair.

If that doesn’t make your skin crawl, Jeanne Rogers, 58, also has been struck by lightning twice, has fallen into a manhole and off a cruise ship, was nearly strangled, and she unwittingly helped Fred Rogers, the late star of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, get naked.

"People think I’m a little paranoid when I walk a mile to avoid a manhole or won’t walk under a ladder," Rogers said during an interview this week. "There’s so many things I won’t do because I know what can happen."

While Rogers dispels the target-on-her-back theory, she does believe she has an angel perched on her shoulder.

"I do worry. Things do happen to me even though I’m careful," she said this week, standing among an eclectic collection of new and used clothing, colorful jewelry, handbags and whimsical items in her small consignment and gift shop on River Street.

For Greater Details go to:
http://bangordailynews.com/news/t/news.aspx?articleid=150100&zoneid=500

'Blind' Man Took Over From Drunk Driver

A virtually blind New Zealand man has been banned from driving after taking the wheel from a drink driver.

Te Aute Matuakore Collier, 29, from Hamilton, was guided by a drunk passenger but crashed into a wall, reports Stuff.co.nz.

Collier, who has just five per cent sight, admitted a charge of reckless driving when he appeared in the Hamilton District Court.

He had been in the back of the car when he told the driver to pull over so he could drive because both the driver and front-seat passenger were drunk.

The front-seat passenger helped steer the car and both passengers told Collier to turn into a supermarket carpark.

Collier told police he just wanted to park the vehicle and get it off the road - but he missed the entrance and hit a wall.

He was disqualified from driving for two years and ordered to pay court costs.

Paris Hilton’s Real Nose

Paris Hilton didn’t always have that slim beak of a nose.

Thanks to awfulplasticsurgery.com we can compare today’s nose to a copy of her high school photo.
See more at http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/

Car Colors & What They Mean

Some actual research in the UK matched car colors with personality traits.

But a more practical aspect is that the colors are listed here in order of accident frequency--black most often (twice the average) and cream the safest.

By the way, ever notice what color the presidential SUVs are?

Black cars denote an aggressive personality or someone who's an outsider or rebel.

Silver cars indicate someone who's cool, calm and slightly aloof.

Green cars can often be chosen by people with hysterical tendencies.

Yellow cars signify someone who is idealistic and novelty loving.

Blue cars are chosen by the more introspective, reflective and cautious driver.

Gray cars represent those who are calm, sober and dedicated to their work.

Red cars denote those who are full of zest, energy and drive and who think, move and talk quickly.

Pink cars are chosen by gentle, loving and affectionate drivers.

White cars represent status-seeking extrovert drivers.

Cream cars are the least likely to be involved in accidents and denote self-contained and controlled owners.

Mistranslations

Signs from around the world written in fractured English


Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET
COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE
OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS
PURPOSE.

Advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST
METHODISTS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE
AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Bondage Couple Lose Key

A German couple had to call out the fire brigade after tying each other up in chains - and then losing the key to the padlock.

Jochen Ranstett, 56 and his wife Maria, from the town of Weiden, dressed up in leathers and chained each other to their beds, but lost the key during the romp.

After hours of trying to free themselves they finally gave up and called for help on Jochen's mobile phone.

He said: "It was so embarrassing. We just wanted to try something a bit different and we ended up with this.

"I even had to be taken to hospital because my wrists had swollen so much from trying to get out of the handcuffs."

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2344515.html?menu=news.quirkies.sexlife

Things Computers can ONLY do in Movies

Word processors never display a cursor.

You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.

Movie characters never make typing mistakes.

All monitors display inch-high letters.

High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces.

Those that don't have graphical interfaces will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

Note: Command line interfaces will give you access to any information you want by simply typing, "ACCESS THE SECRET FILES" on any near-by keyboard.

You can also infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS". (See "Fortress".)

All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer even if it's turned off.

Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. (Really advanced computers will also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.)

All computer panels operate on thousands of volts and have explosive devices underneath their surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash of light, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks and an explosion that causes you to jump backwards.

People typing on a computer can safely turn it off without saving the data.
A hacker is always able to break into the most sensitive computer in the world by guessing the secret password in two tries.

You may bypass "PERMISSION DENIED" message by using the "OVERRIDE" function. (See "Demolition Man".)

Computers only take 2 seconds to boot up instead of the average minutes for desktop PCs and 30 minutes or more for larger systems that can run 24 hours, 365 days a year without a reset.

Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.

When the power plant/missile site/main computer overheats, all control panels will explode shortly before the entire building will.

If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen (See "Clear and Present Danger").

If a disk contains encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you insert it.

Computers can interface with any other computer regardless of the manufacturer or galaxy where it originated. (See "Independence Day".)

Computer disks will work on any computer has a floppy drive and all software is usable on any platforms.

The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it will have (See "Aliens".)

Note: You must be highly trained to operate high-tech computers because the buttons have no labels except for the "SELF-DESTRUCT" button.

Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional active animation, photo-realistic graphics capabilities.

Laptops always have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and performance similar to a CRAY Supercomputer.

Thanks to the Vole

Fast Food Reality

This is what a freshly purchased KFC Famous Bowl really looks like and it does not compare favorably to the advertisement.

It's a funny experiment from The West Virginia Surf Report. They take several ads from fast food companies such as McDonald's, KFC, Arby's, Subway, Burger King, and Wendy's and compare the pics to the actual food they went and bought. Yum!!!!!

http://www.thewvsr.com/adsvsreality.htm

American Idol with Stripes

“Hello, everybody out there, have we got something for you. I’m talking about the first-ever Inmate Idle contest.”
“This is a groundbreaking opportunity, never before done in any jail, so don’t miss out. We hear you singing all the time in the pods.”
“ In your cells. In the holding tanks. Now, let’s put you in front of a microphone and on a stage.”


It would have been just another day in jail if not for the wild applause.

In the yard was a stage, a festive canopy and a 15-foot billboard with a cartoon prisoner in stripes singing into a microphone. Above it, a logo, styled after American Idol, read: “Inmate Idle Singing Con-Test.”

http://www.laweekly.com/general/features/jailhouse-rock/16256/

Contributed by Vonross
http://www.clubofpioneers.com/blog/blog-from-ross-von-burg/16/

New York News - Sustainable Swimming

Have you heard dolphins are killing themselves in droves? Apparently young pilot whales also. One with the nick of Sludgie had the temerity to swim in the Gowanus Canal, New York City's aptly named lavender lake which distinguished itself from other more ordinary bodies of water by occasionally catching on fire.

Even after dredging by hazimat teams in Space suits there is likely still a high concentration of PCB's and other things there. Sludgie's swim turned into a one-way holiday, he went belly up in the Gowanus for the last time. Social services are conducting an autopsy at the New York Aquarium

On another note Mayor Bloomberg plans to reclaim the harbour's waterfront so New Yorkers can again use it for recreational swimming and beach going.

Contributed by Vonross
http://www.clubofpioneers.com/blog/blog-from-ross-von-burg/16/

Roman descendants found in China?

Residents of a remote Chinese village are hoping that DNA tests will prove one of history's most unlikely legends — that they are descended from Roman legionaries lost in antiquity.

Scientists have taken blood samples from 93 people living in and around Liqian, a settlement in north-western China on the fringes of the Gobi desert, more than 200 miles from the nearest city.

They are seeking an explanation for the unusual number of local people with western characteristics — green eyes, big noses, and even blonde hair — mixed with traditional Chinese features.

"I really think we are descended from the Romans," said Song Guorong, 48, who with his wavy hair, six-foot frame and strikingly long, hooked nose stands out from his short, round-faced office colleagues.

"There are the residents with these special features, and then there are also historical records about the existence of these people long ago," he said.


http://www.china.org.cn/Beijing-Review/Beijing/BeijingReview/98Nov/bjr98-46-13.html

Woman Who Lost Her Wallet In High School Gets It Back After 60 Years

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa - Joan Martinek Barnes never imagined she would see her wallet again after she lost it at McKinley High School 60 years ago.

But the red alligator grain wallet turned up Monday when a building engineer tracked down a broken hot water pipe. It was found on top of an air duct in a basement storage room that once housed girls lockers.

Barnes, now 75 and living in San Antonio, said her wallet was lost when her coat was stolen during the winter of 1947-48.

"I don't remember all those details," Barnes said on Tuesday. "I just remember Mr. Paxson (the principal) got the coat back. I didn't have many coats."

The wallet didn't have any cash in it when it was found, but did contain a $4 activity pass, a student ID card, and a membership card for the YMCA's teen club.

MLB Tells Teams That Baseballs Must Be Stored At A Uniform Temperature

Baseballs will keep their cool this summer.

The commissioner's office is telling teams for the first time that balls must be stored at a uniform temperature after they are delivered from the manufacturer.

"The specifications that Rawlings recommends are a 70 degree (21 C) temperature and 50 per cent humidity," said baseball senior vice-president Joe Garagiola Jr.

"We have contacted all 30 of the clubs, and they have all confirmed to us that they will all be storing their baseballs in a temperature-controlled facility. We're not going to have humidors every place, but every place will be temperature controlled, and so I think there will be a very high degree of uniformity."

The decision was made following debate generated by the Colorado Rockies' use of a humidor at Coors Field. The ballpark ranked first in the major leagues in scoring in its first eight seasons, starting in 1995, but dropped to second in three of the last four years behind Arlington's Ameriquest Field (2003), Cincinnati's Great American Ball Park (2005) and Kansas City's Kauffman Stadium (2006).

Cats Strike Back

Cats have struck back against Menu Foods of Canada that has been accused of selling tainted food.

Nearly 100 brands of the “cuts and gravy” style food have been recalled by Menu Foods of Canada, including popular labels sold at Wal-Mart, Kroger and other large retailers.

The real story has not been released. The Feline Safe Food Front (FSFF), armed with their human’s collected armaments,
launched a series of attacks in Canada successfully forcing the company to recall the suspect food.

“The recall is huge. It’s unprecedented. . . said Tim Hackett, who runs a small-animal clinic at Colorado State University in Fort Collins.

Priests To Purify Site After Bush Visit

GUATEMALA CITY - Mayan priests will purify a sacred archaeological site to eliminate "bad spirits" after President Bush visits next week, an official with close ties to the group said Thursday.

"That a person like (Bush), with the persecution of our migrant brothers in the United States, with the wars he has provoked, is going to walk in our sacred lands, is an offense for the Mayan people and their culture," Juan Tiney, the director of a Mayan nongovernmental organization with close ties to Mayan religious and political leaders, said Thursday.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/guatemala_bush_purification

Contributed by the videoddgrapher

I'm a .....

>> Gunning for victory <<

Even Dr Strangelove would be proud

Last week Abu Dhabi hosted Idex-2007 - a massive arms fair, billed as "the Middle East's premier defense exhibition and conference".

Overheard at the demonstration of a state-of-the-art American
grenade launcher/machine gun by a US army lieutenant:

"We'll totally be able to kill EVERYONE with this new gun."

More: http://www.idexuae.com
This website seems to be down for some odd reason

Contributed by Vonross
http://www.clubofpioneers.com/blog/blog-from-ross-von-burg/16/

The World Is Nutz

Proof That The World Is Nuts
A email about world wide sex oddities with someone’s running commentary that is currently making the rounds.

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than "going blind!")
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside
And deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there Any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

(Is this a great country or what? Well, not as great as Guam!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for this stuff?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Officials Paint Mountain Green

Local government officials in China have been criticised for spraypainting a barren mountain face green.

Laoshou mountain, near Fumin in Yunnan province, was left an eyesore by quarrying.

But instead, of re-foresting the mountainside, forestry officials hired seven workers for 45 days to spraypaint it green.

Nearby villagers have been driven from their homes by the strong smell of paint,

Some villagers speculated that Fumin County officials, whose office building faces the mountain, were trying to change the area’s feng shui — the ancient Chinese belief of harmonizing one’s physical environment for maximum health and financial benefit.

A woman who answered the phone at the Fumin County forestry department said the department was unaware of reasons behind the paint job.

"This is an order from above," she said.

China's official Xinhua News Agency estimated the cost of the paint job at 470,000 yuan ($60,000) and quoted villagers as saying that, if spent on plants and trees, the money could have restored a far greater area of barren mountain.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/china/story/0,,2012697,00.html

Contributed by the videoddgrapher

Get your money on HD-DVD

Back in the 80s when there were two competing video technologies, VHS
triumphed over Betamax largely because Sony, who owned Betamax, refused to
allow their format to be used by the porn industry.

Hence VHS became the industry standard.

There’s a TV format war brewing again - HD DVDs versus Blu-ray.

Sony own Blu-ray and, guess what, they don’t seem to want porn on this
system either, having backed out of a deal with adult film studio Digital
Playground.

HD-DVD is easier to produce anyway so the porn industry is 100% behind
this format.

PS3 uses Blu-ray so there is some hope for Sony but we’re still sticking
our money on HD-DVD.

Contributed by Vonross
http://www.clubofpioneers.com/blog/blog-from-ross-von-burg/16/

Chocolate Car

A Chinese car dealer covered a car in chocolate for Valentine's Day.

About 450 pounds of melted chocolate was spread over the VW Beetle after it was first wrapped in cling film.

Seven people worked overnight to make sure the chocolate car was ready to go on display on the morning of Valentine's Day.

There is no word if anyone ate the car

Hannibal Helmurto

Soon To Be A Movie?
From Misc-Reports contributor Larry

Former tax inspector Helmurto was kept in intensive care under observation for three weeks and was unable to eat or drink.

The blade pierced the inside of his respiratory tract. But doctors decided to let the throat repair itself rather than operate.

Several weeks ago, the entertainer took to the stage for the first time since receiving his self-inflicted injury.

Helmurto, who has more than 200 tatoos, said: "The accident was just one of those freak moments and it certainly hasn't put me off performing."

Hailing from Germany, he has spent 10 years modifying' his body after seeing the Circus of Horrors in his home town of Munich in 1996.

"I was working for the German government at the time," he said. "I did not have one tattoo or piercing but after seeing the show I knew I had to join it."

And now the performer boasts there is more ink on his skin than blood running in his veins.

He also has giant yoyos fitted inside his earlobes and his tongue
has been sliced with a laser to ensure it is permanently forked.

His stage show sees him insert huge hat pins through his face then drink water and squirt it out through the holes.

The self-taught' Bavarian staples £10 notes to his forehead and dangles himself from just two meat hooks rammed through his back.

For More Info:
http://www.swordswallow.org/news.php

What? That Was 23 Years Ago, Officer

SMETHPORT, Pa. (AP) - Talk about the slow wheels of justice. A man was arrested on a 23-year-old bench warrant that he said he thought was taken care of years ago.

Merle Hulbert Jr., of Eldred, was brought Thursday before McKean County Judge John Yoder, who noted that Ronald Reagan was president when the warrant for failing to appear at a hearing was issued.

Hulbert said he had no idea the case, a driving-while-intoxicated charge, was still open. His former attorney has since died and he said he was stopped once or twice by police before without the warrant coming up.

Yoder ordered the case to be scheduled for a plea, then told prosecutors he hopes they have a witness with a good memory.

Virgins Wanted Reality

From roving reporter R

UK TV has been unfavourably compared to
US series for a few years.

It's not always the case. MTV UK made a series this year called The Virgin Diaries,in which some teenagers made video diaries of the months before and after they first had sex.

Cue usual Daily Mail furore, but it was a sympathetic and genuinely revealing piece of TV, and picked up a Broadcast Award this week.

In America this year, get ready for Virgin Territory. Teens are being auditioned in Los Angeles and New York to lose their virginity on screen.

It's brought to you by the man behind Paris Hilton's home sex
tape and he's trying to get porn star Jenna Jameson involved.

Update Go To: TMZ

The Cold Wave

It is the middle of January and freezing weather is finally upon us.

Fitness American Style

Snakes Used To Predict Earthquakes

Scientists in China say they can predict earthquakes - by observing behaviour in snakes.

Officials at the earthquake bureau in Nanning, in southern Guangxi province, monitor snake farms via 24-hour internet video links.

Researchers claim the snakes can sense a quake from 75 miles away, up to five days before it happens.

Jiang Weisong, director of the earthquake bureau in Nanning claims: "Of all the creatures on the Earth, snakes are perhaps the most sensitive to earthquakes.

"When an earthquake is about to occur, snakes will move out of their nests, even in the cold of winter. If the earthquake is a big one, the snakes will even smash into walls while trying to escape," he told China Daily newspaper."

He added: "By installing cameras over the snake nests, we have improved our ability to forecast earthquakes. The system could be extended to other parts of the country to make our earthquake forecasts more precise."