Idle Thoughts

I planted some bird seed.

A bird came up.

Now I don't know what to feed it

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I had amnesia once

---or twice

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The easiest way to find something 

lost around the house 

is to buy a replacement.

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Life is sexually transmitted.

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     I went to  San Francisco. 

I found someone's heart. 

Now what?

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Protons have mass? 

I didn't even know 

they were Catholic.

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All I ask 

is a chance to prove that money 

can't make me happy.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a  

whole  box to start a campfire?

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Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

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 If the world were a logical place, 

men would be the ones 

who ride  horses sidesaddle.

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What is a "free" gift? 

Aren't all gifts free?

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They told me I was gullible 

and I believed them.

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Teach a child to be polite and courteous 

in the home and, when he grows up,

he'll never be able to merge 

his car onto the freeway.

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Experience is the thing you have left 

when everything else is gone.

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My weight is perfect for my height

--which varies.

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I used to be indecisive. 

Now I'm not sure.

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All of us could take a lesson 

from the weather. 

It pays no attention  

 to  criticism.

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How can there be 

self-help "groups"?

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If swimming is so good for your figure, 

how do you explain whales?

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Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, 

and I'll show you  a  man who can't get his pants off

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Is it me --

or do buffalo wings 

taste like chicken?

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