Unverified News From The Stump

Unverified News From The Stump
By Larry V raving reporter

Under pressure to explain his religious faith to the
American people, Democratic presidential candidate
Barack Obama delivered a forty-five minute speech
today discussing his belief in Oprah Winfrey.

“My religion is a personal matter to me,” Sen. Obama
told his followers. “Having said that, let me make
this clear: I have accepted Oprah as my host.”

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Later in the day, Ms. Winfrey toured the state with
Mr. Obama and, in a stunning demonstration of her
influence, briefly caused a solar eclipse.

“Sun and moon, do my bidding!” she roared, raising her
hands above her head and delighting the crowd with the
celestial display.

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Davis Logsdon, who studies the interrelation between
politicians, religion and talk-show hosts at the
University of Minnesota, said that Sen. Obama’s
worship of Oprah Winfrey puts him in the mainstream of
American theological belief.

“Over thirty percent of Americans currently define
themselves as Oprahists,” Mr. Logsdon said. “And that
number is higher during sweeps.”

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Elsewhere, the CIA created more controversy today by
acknowledging that it accidentally returned several
interrogation tapes to Blockbuster.